Fart Crowds

March 14, 2019

Ever been out at dinner somewhere, or with a group of people, and someone let’s one rip? You know, friendly banter, good conversation and then a nice, deep rumbling emanates from an unknown cushion somewhere nearby.

It’s pretty awesome. Most of the time, people pretend it didn’t happen and try to hurry past the awkward silence as quickly as possible. This is actually a distinguishing feature of the relationships.

I remember the first time my wife farted in front of me. We were dating at the time, and sitting on my deck having a fairly serious, deep conversation. I was talking, going on about something or other, and she had a serious look on her face. Then all of a sudden there was a small, feminine pfffffft. If there was ever a cute fart, that was it. Her eyes got really wide, her face got red, and she said, “I farted.” Then we both bowled over laughing, our serious conversation completely obliterated, and us a step closer to knowing we’d be with each other for the rest of our lives.

As silly as it sounds, farting is a bar for how close you are to someone else. If you can fart in front of someone else without being embarrassed, you’re pretty close. If you can be out at dinner with a group of people and all recognize and laugh at a fart, then it’s a really great group.

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