Brief New Parent Advice

Someone I know just had their first child and randomly asked me “Any new dad tips?” This is someone I only know virtually, which means we use text not voice. So I took a minute to say more than a trite one-liner and give some ideas that could generate more exploration. I’m rather partial to it, but more importantly he liked it more than all the other advice he’s gotten too.

What I said:

• The book I always recommend is Bryan Caplan’s Selfish Reasons To Have More Kids. He makes really strong arguments for why nature beats nurture.
• The point here being: remember that 95+% of the job of raising great kids is already done because you picked an amazing spouse. (I obviously don’t know this but let us assume it to be true!). Modern parenting drives people to be very stressed and helicopter-y and this was always a great reminder to me that genetics wins.
• In a lot of ways, our job as parents is all via negativa. Our job is to not screw them up and let them be who they can become. This is surprisingly hard!
• As my kids have gotten older (12, 9, 7), I’ve amended slightly the Caplan advice to look for very strong positive feedback loops that help form character. Example: positive peer pressure is an incredible thing.. we moved our son from the local parochial school where the 4th graders were getting iPhones to a really great boys school where the cool thing to do is memorize the longer poem.
• Avoid all screens, practice by example.
• Start a library if you don’t have one and keep lots of books. The number of books in a house as a kid has been measured as a fantastic proxy for all sorts of adult successes.
• “Never handicap your kids by making their lives easy” -Robert Heinlein
• “Having a child is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” -Elizabeth Stone
• “We have overprotected children in the real world and underprotected them in the virtual world.” -Jon Haidt
• “Your son will follow your example. Your daughter will marry it.” -Jacob Edward